Better and Worse
by loveandallthat
Summary: She can measure flour, and she can measure the distance between them when he shifts away, but she can't measure "better". And that's what's killing her. SasuNaru from a SasuSaku perspective.


Title: Better or Worse

Summary: She can measure flour, and she can measure distances, but she can't measure "better". And that's what's killing her. SasuNaru from a SasuSaku perspective.

Pairings: SasuSaku, SasuNaru

Warnings: Implied SasuNaru

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, or anything else to which I allude, or anything else I mention by name.

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Sakura can measure flour. When she's making bread for Sasuke, the recipies will always turn out well, and he will always play the role of the perfect husband, and compliment her baking expertise. She can also make roasts. She'll say that they're done, because she put the meat thermometer in there and it was at a perfect internal temperature, and Sasuke will say that it's delicious.

Sometimes she wonders what would happen if she just said "Yes it's done, it's brown on the outside, isn't it?" but she can't. She's terrified that he'll ask why the hell she didn't use the meat thermometer.

Because with Sasuke, she has to be perfect. It's necessary that if someone came along and threw her into a measuring cup, she could line up perfectly with the one cup line. Perfection is something you measure. It has to be, or else she won't have access to it. So Sakura measures twice, and cuts once.

And that's why she can't ask him about how he really feels about Naruto. Because everything there that she could measure comes out in her favor. Sasuke sat closer to her. If she were to whip out a meter stick and figure the exact distances between them, Sasuke would always be closer to her. Or if she were to count exactly how many times that Sasuke touched Naruto, including accidents, and even including punches, it would still fall inferior to the amount of times that Sasuke intimately touched Sakura alone. If she figured the exact amount of words that she had ever exchanged with Sasuke, the number would annihilate the conversation between Sasuke and Naruto.

The problem was, of course, that love could never be measured. She couldn't very well put all of those numbers into some simple formula where love equaled distance squared times average words per day minus angry glances! And they were the ideal husband and wife. They cooked, they cleaned, they paid the bills, and they never fought. Sasuke said things like "you look beautiful today" "this tastes really great" and "gee that sure was swell". Well, maybe not the last one.

And they talked a lot. About what was going on in the world, about the weather, and about things around the house that needed to get done. But Sakura noticed that they stuck to what was more or less casual conversation.

But then… when he was with Naruto. It was weird; they talked about their feelings. Not in an "it makes me sad that…" way, but they did manage to get all of the words out. They had disagreements, and they argued; there was passion. It was strong, it was heavy, it was… immeasurable. Sasuke would look at Naruto and there would just be so much emotion in the eyes that never looked like that for her that she could cry. And with them there was much more trust. Sure, Sasuke would ask her for a favor and expect that it be done, but Sasuke would fight with Naruto and know that there was no risk that Naruto wouldn't read his mind and fight perfectly with them.

It was these little immeasurables that drove Sakura mad. Because she and Sasuke had built up a marriage from the ground on a foundation of measurement. It was what kept them together, partly because it gave them stability, but also because Sasuke covered his footprints so well that Sakura could never throw Naruto in his face, because there'd be no proof. She wonders if Sasuke knows this. Knows he clings to his measurements desperately, as if he'd die without them. She wonders if he does this to show Sakura that she's got nothing on him.

Because Sakura can't measure better, because she can't measure worse, she stays in this marriage, doubting, watching, listening. She stays because it's all she's ever wanted that she never had a right to have.

She stays because on paper they're the perfect couple. And that's what they both want.

Right?

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